Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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