his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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