I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
