I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
