Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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