I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
