Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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