If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She's the barista slut.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
