You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
