I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
