I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
