all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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