idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
