He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my sisters under your porch take her home
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
