If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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