Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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