i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
