she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
