I wish I could teleport
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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