if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
