you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
