he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
