Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
