I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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