tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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