she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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