i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
