Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
