its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need a beard to bite.
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