No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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