I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
