Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
