He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
