i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
