I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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