just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
