It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
