my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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