I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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