There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
