It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
