im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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