The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
