he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
