Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
