I hate all girls vehemently.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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