the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
