i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
