Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
