Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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