i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
