As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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