So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
