so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
