wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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