It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
