the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
