I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
