I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
