No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish I only lived at night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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