Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
