he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
