So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
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dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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