OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
